We were ready to get the hell out of Siam Paragon, as usual.

The cramped ground floor food hall was heaving with tourists and locals and young students and office workers on break. The roar of Thai-language conversation, and children screaming, and tourists blathering, and lunch trays clinking was fast reaching a suffocating pitch. There was nowhere to sit in the sprawling dining area, and navigating through these cattle-like herds at anything more than a sluggish shuffle was like playing a game of Twister while walking.

Patiently dealing with crowds like the ones typically found at Bangkok’s busiest megamall, particularly on weekend afternoons, is a skill one naturally develops over time while living here, but everybody has their limits. Having sufficiently accomplished what we came to Paragon to achieve–buy a new book, look for cheese bread, eat lunch–it was time to escape the feverish madness indoors and plunge back into the buzzsaw of whistles, buses, motorbikes, and candy-colored taxis that pump up the volume of the city’s orchestra of traffic rumble. That’s just how it is in Bangkok’s central commercial districts of Siam Square and Pratunam; I wouldn’t have it any other way (most of the time).

Something in the lower level just outside the entrance of Siam Ocean World drew our attention, though, as we rode the escalator up from the first to second floor. Something… odd. Something… not quite right. Something… inappropriate. Something… hilarious. We got to the second floor and turned right around to go back downstairs and further investigate.

Oh my.

My wife and I snapped photos through incredulous tears of juvenile laughter. We took turns posing with the bear, and snickered to ourselves when others posed with the bear. It was so revolting and egregious and amazing and, in a certain way, so perfectly Bangkok.

That poor, poor bear. She must have been so embarassed with nobody there to cover her up. I mean, really: no respectable bear would be caught dead in public wearing a red hankerchief around its neck.

“Do you want some drink? Perhaps a bottle of French wine? We have red wine and white wine. Maybe you’d like a cheap wine?”

Dinner at Chandrika Hotel, an aspiring “boutique hotel” in Tissamaharama, Sri Lanka. Like so many service establishments in this developing South Asian country, they try so hard to give you what you want. After all, you’re a part of the relative trickle of Western tourists that visit the country, particularly compared with its neighbors just north in India and across the Indian Ocean in Southeast Asia.

Hotel managers here are well aware of the impact a positive TripAdvisor review can have on business. They often don’t really know what exactly you want, however, because regular Western tourism is only just now picking up–and let’s face it, we’re a fickle lot with inconsistent demands, complaints, and compliments.

I think that explains Chandrika’s bizarrely faux-formal inclusive dinner.

Our short two-night stay was sandwiched around a morning safari in Yala National Park, and expectations were modest: clean, air-conditioned rooms; clean pool; quiet; convenient access to Yala. Check, check, check. Perfectly fine little place with a friendly manager that helped arrange our safari and, after checkout, assigned somebody to stand with us at the “bus stop” out front to ensure we flagged the correct one down.

We weren’t sure what to expect at dinner. We definitely didn’t expect a sitdown affair that felt like a small wedding banquet with strangers. The dining room was spartan and nondescript: white panel floor, black tables, ceiling fans. Teenaged servers dressed in white button-up shirts and black slacks looked on anxiously as guests filed in, about five or six tables in all. Our server asked if we wanted wine, but despite his hopeful earnesty (and management-prompted upsell) we had to decline; something about the humidity and overly optimistic pricing.

Our first course was appropriately, perfectly absurd and out of context here in southern Sri Lanka: a hot, watery, tasteless bowl of spinach soup served with a basket of dinner rolls and tray of butter cubes on ice. Soup slurps, the clinking of silverware, and Muzak renditions of popular Christmas songs like “Walkin’ in a Winter Wonderland” wafted through the open-air dining room on this steamy night in May.

I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if the main course was pepperoni pizza with a side of iceberg lettuce salad; instead, an authentic, well-prepared Sri Lankan spread arrived in waves. Papadum, rice topped with shaved coconut, curried vegetables, spiced cabbage, ash plantains, green beans, daal, eggplant–refills on everything if you wanted it. Dessert was a scoop of malty chocolate ice cream.

After the table was cleared, to the kid’s delight I gave in to one final upsell stab and ordered a glass of Chivas. They were out; I instead got a bottle of beer and asked to have it delivered to our room. Ten minutes later we heard a knock on our door, then glass shatter on the pavement: the kid must have slipped and dropped the bottle. He was initially nowhere to be seen, but when we stepped outside he darted back from around the side of the building and quietly, anxiously, casting furtive glances over his shoulder in the direction of the restaurant, said “Madame, madame, I’m sorry, your beer.”

We told him not to worry about it; he bent over and quickly picked up the shards of glass with his bare hands, squeegied the beer into the grass, then skipped back to the restaurant. If we asked for another beer he’d clearly have to pay for it out of pocket, and probably incur the wrath of his boss too.

I hope Sri Lanka’s endearing lack of total understanding, despite best efforts, for many Western tourism wants and needs never changes (though of course that’s probably impossible). I want to slurp hot, watery bowls of spinach soup in the company of awkward Western families on a humid night in May while listening to Christmas music. I do also hope, however, that a day soon comes when the wants and needs of the ones struggling to serve us are given just as much thought and attention as ours.

Welcome to the Carnival of Cities blog carnival, where we tour the world in a single post, via submissions from a variety of different blogs, all about any aspect of one, single city or fair-sized town.

The previous Carnival edition was hosted on Sheila’s Guide, and you’ll find the next one (January 25, 2012) there as well.

If you would like to host a future Carnival edition on your blog, please contact me at Sheila “at” sheilascarborough “dot” com. Thanks!

Off we go….

Cities in Europe

London, England Tui Cameron presents Kensal Green: a Historic Victorian Graveyard in London posted at Mental Mosaic: Even Home is a Travel Destination, saying, “London’s Kensal Green Cemetery was the first of London’s for-profit cemeteries, a group which came to be known as the “Magnificent Seven.” This beautiful garden-style cemetery is a great spot for bird-watching and taking photos, so bring your binoculars as well as your camera. If you’re lucky, you might even see a fox!”

Lisbon, Portugal April D. Thompson presents A Tasty Tease in Lisbon posted at The Absolute Travel Addict.

Berlin, Germany Carole Terwilliger Meyers presents Good Eats: Hasenecke/Currywurst, Berlin, Germany posted at Travels With Carole.

Stockholm, Sweden Lola Akinmade Åkerström presents Christmas Market in Gamla stan, Stockholm, Sweden posted at The Swedish photo blog — blogs.sweden.se, saying, “I finally hit a couple of the Christmas markets (Julmarknader) around Stockholm this week and here are scenes from one of the more popular markets located within Stortorget in Gamla stan (Old town). Here, you can pick up a variety of porcelain ornaments, festive decorations and wooden gnomes as well as dig into gingerbread cookies (pepparkakor), mulled wine (glögg), candied almonds, jams, and deli meats.”

Rome, Italy Shelly Rivoli presents Rome’s tradition of the Befana… and her trouble-shooting small broom posted at Travels with Baby Tips by Shelly Rivoli, saying, “In Rome, Babbo Natale (Santa Claus) is not the only one to pay a call to children over the holidays. The beloved witch “Befana” may also bring treats Epiphany Eve in a Roman tradition that is centuries old.”

London, England Karen Bryan presents 7 of the Best London Museums posted at Europe A La Carte Blog, saying, “London has some great museums and most of them are free to visitors.”

Berlin, Germany Nicole Blake presents Berlin State of Mind posted at nicole is the new black, saying, “A picture post about the strange things I see in Berlin.”

Cities in Asia

Singapore Alex presents Eating like the locals in Singapore posted at Hejorama.

Bangkok, Thailand Brian Spencer presents BKK Must Eats – Feasts at Jae On posted here at Perceptive Travel Blog.

Cities in the Americas

Rochester, New York, USA Koketso Ferreira (via Meg Colombo) presents Kwanzaa Family Day at the MAG (Memorial Art Gallery) posted at Rochester Arts.

Cuenca, Ecuador wandermom presents Family Friendly Activities in Cuenca Ecuador posted at WanderMom.

Asheville, North Carolina, USA Globetrottergirls presents Independence through Independents – Asheville, NC posted at Globetrottergirls.

Orlando, Florida, USA Eileen Ludwig presents SeaWorld Christmas Celebration Winter Wonderland Ice Skating posted at Freelance Tourist: Travel Tips.

Annapolis, Maryland, USA Jeremy Branham presents Annapolis welcomes me home posted at Budget Travel Adventures, saying, “Here’s an overview of Annapolis Maryland – a place that doesn’t get enough attention.”

Greenwood, Mississippi, USA I wrote Travel Post Friday: Peace and Quiet on the Tallahatchie River on Sheila’s Guide.

Fairbanks, Alaska, USA Nancy Brown presents Insider Tips on Things to See and Do in Fairbanks, Alaska posted at Nancy D Brown, saying, “I enjoyed visiting Fairbanks in the height of summer and the dead of winter. This is a unique Alaska city.”

Grapevine, Texas, USA Adam Groffman presents Hipster things to do in my hometown: Grapevine, Texas posted at Travels of Adam, saying, “Recently revisited my hometown and discovered it was actually pretty cool.”

Quito, Ecuador Tom Bartel presents Looking down on Quito – Andean Drift posted at Andean Drift.

Boulder City, Nevada, USA Kayla presents Hoover Dam posted at Adventures in Heritage, saying, “During a trip to the Grand Canyon and Vegas I stopped at the Hoover Dam, an amazing engineering feat.”

That concludes this Carnival edition, and thank you for visiting.

Please submit your (ONE, non-spammy) blog post to the next edition of the Carnival of Cities using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Though the decorations went up a little later than usual this year, and in general felt scaled back compared to previous years due to horrific floods in the suburbs (and, of course, other parts of the country), Bangkok is such a fun place to be during the winter holiday season.

Wait: aren’t most Thais Buddhist? Do they celebrate Christmas?

Yes, about 95% of Thailand’s population are Buddhist, and yes, they still celebrate Christmas anyway. Well, that’s not entirely accurate: they celebrate the commercialism of Christmas, the cuteness of Christmas, and the unending photo ops of Christmas. The fun parts. (Besides, hasn’t Christmas sort of become somewhat of a non-secular holiday anyway?) The actual day itself doesn’t really mean much and isn’t a formal holiday: it’s business as usual for most stores and restaurants, and everybody still goes to work.

Still, Christmas is everywhere: the music is on repeat in what feels like every single convenience store, shop, and restaurant, sales galore in the shopping malls, and best of all, central Bangkok is decked out to the nines–and camera-toting Thais absolutely eat it up.

CentralWorld Plaza, a place you know I harbor a mild fascination with if you’ve been paying attention, is one of my favorite places in the city to take it all in, and specifically to watch the locals unabashedly strike their cheesiest poses with the holiday props. This year’s display has been dubbed “The World of Happiness” and is centered around teddy bears. Amazing.

This one is outdoors in the plaza facing Rajdamri Road:

This guy is just inside the mall entrance:

Awww, aren’t they cute?

Of course, on the other end of the plaza is a Chang beer garden, though I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s a bit disappointed that this year they’re only stocking watered-down Chang Export and not the good stuff, Chang Classic. (The Chang factory suffered significant damage from the floods, so I think there’s still somewhat of a shortage on Classic.) Singha, Federbrau, and Tiger beers usually set up pop-up beer gardens alongside Chang during November and December, but again, the floods are likely to blame for their absence.

These guys, below, are part of the “Sweets Land” display kitty corner from CentralWorld at Amarin Plaza. I’m still not sure what that little green guy is supposed to be, but it doesn’t matter: he’s cute and you can take your photo next to him, and that’s essentially the essence of Christmas in Bangkok.

I’ve had LL Cool J’s “Going Back to Cali” stuck in my head all morning, but with “Bangkok” substituted for “Cali”. Yes, though I’ve only been away from dear old Bangkok for about four months, as I mentioned last week I’m flying out tomorrow for a little 10-day jaunt around the city that’ll essentially amount to a tour of my version of Bangkok’s greatest hits. Early-evening walks through Lumpini Park, a late night at Tawandang German Brewery, outdoor restaurant feasts with friends, as much snacking as I can stomach–it’ll be difficult fitting everything into 10 days. We’re even staying in the condo we lived in for 8 months in 2008-09, which I’m sure will be equal parts surreal and comforting.

I’ve written about the city a number of times in this space, so while I’m sure you’ve all religiously kept up with those posts and reread them at least five times, now seems like a good time to round up some of my Bangkok pieces from this year in the off chance you missed ‘em the first time around.

BKK Must Eats Series: The modest goal of this ongoing series is simply to spotlight, somewhat randomly, damned delicious dishes in Bangkok that I’ve indulged on many occasions, and that I recommend you indulge too. Given that eating as much as my stomach can handle is my top priority these next 10 days, I’ll certainly be adding new entries in the coming weeks assuming, that is, I don’t fill up on everything already covered below first.

+ Early Evening Pad Thai on Soi Chidlom
+ Salmon Agemusubui at Sukishi
+ Spicy Tuna Roll at Yaki Ten
+ Grilled Squid at Pantip Plaza
+ Pumpkin Hummus at May Kaidee’s
+ Seared Tuna at Pla Dib
+ Mexican Food at La Monita
+ Salmon Mania Roll at Zen Cucina
+ Feasts at Jae On

How to Cross the Thailand-Laos Border Via the Friendship Bridge, Starting in Bangkok: My double-entry tourist visa finally ran out of extension options in July, so I made the common “visa run” to Vientiane, which after all these years spent exploring Southeast Asia was somehow my first trip to Laos. My trip began with an early Air Asia flight to Udon Thani, and then… well, you can read the whole story here.

Eating Out is an Everyday Joy in Bangkok; The Rare Home-Cooked Meal is a Special Treat: I still dream about the amazing spread my friends Joy and Em whipped up for us that evening. Read on and you’ll see why.

Where to Find a Michelin Star, Ice-Skating Rink, and Body Shape Solutions Under One Roof in Bangkok: I’ve lived just around the corner from CentralWorld Plaza both times I’ve taken up temporary residence in Bangkok, which means I’ve probably eaten there at least 150 times. The food is a big draw, but there’s so much more to it. Just don’t call it a mall: it’s a “lifestyle complex.”

Three-Wheeled Bangkok Adventures in Songkran (Booze Me Up and Get Me Soaked): Quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in Bangkok, as well as the most fun. A lot of people sneer at booze-fueled Songkran merriment–and I don’t totally disagree with that opinion–but everything about this particular experience was perfect, including the fact that nobody got hurt (but probably should have). I wrote another related piece about what Songkran means to me, as an expat in Bangkok.

How Thunderstorms and Wrong Turns Made Bangkok’s Best Pad Thai Taste Even Better: When I wrote this, I considered the gooey pad thai at the legendary late-night hole-in-the-wall Thip Samai my favorite in Bangkok. It’s still one of the best and well worth seeking out, but if you only have one plate of pad thai during your visit, try to make it one from the sweet brother-and-sister duo parked on Soi Chidlom.

For Lunch, Off-Key Karaoke with a Side of Surliness, Som Tam, and Sticky Rice for 60 Baht: You wouldn’t have any reason to go to this dingy, somewhat depressing food court on the fifth floor of the aging wholesale shopping center City Complex, but curious lunchtime karaoke and a solid som tam makes it worth a visit.

Revisiting a Favorite Old Haunt in Bangkok: I have just about beaten this topic/restaurant to death here, but with good reason: Jae On is quite simply one of the most special places for me in Bangkok.