By Brian Spencer
To date I have participated in three half-marathons and one 10K, but have never entered a race in which my life was at stake–until now.
This week I became one of 5,000 runners registered for Celebrity Trainer’s sold-out “Race the Dead”, a 5K obstacle run along the beaches of Sentosa island in Singapore. The twist? The race organizers–sick, twisted fucks that they are–will spice things up by unleashing onto the route waves of flesh-eating zombies, all currently pent up in abandoned detention blocks on Singapore’s St. John’s Island.
Given the high number of soused (but serious) late-night conversations in Brooklyn bars with friends concerning our plans in the event of a zombie apocalypse–after careful consideration we’ve determined the best place to hide out in the Williamsburg area, though for obvious reasons it shall remain nameless–I felt it time to put my money (S$66; ouch) and feet where my mouth is. That said, despite the less-than-challenging length of the race, the zombies factor significantly complicates my training regimen.
As such, though some survival tips have been provided on the official race site, I submit these 10 crucial questions to the race organizers:
1. Will runners be dealing with fast zombies or slow zombies?
2. Are the zombies likely to be thrown off by scent, specifically by the stench of other zombie blood or dead-animal blood, and mistake runners for one of their own? If so, do you recommend that runners arrive covered in animal guts?
3. To what degree do the zombies have the ability to scale walls and fences, or to climb trees?
4. If bitten, approximately how long do runners have until they turn? Will there be trained medics available to stop the infection by way of limb amputation, if necessary?
5. While I deign to cross the finish line first (and uninfected), if at some point during the race I find myself hopelessly cornered by a horde of zombies, will there be any hideaways or bunkers along the route where one can safely seek asylum? If so, for how many days, weeks, or months would one be able to survive based on the cache of supplied provisions in each shelter?
6. In their walking dead state, have the zombies maintained basic motor skills, such as the ability to turn doorknobs or to recognize simple mechanical traps?
7. Have the zombies clung to any semblance of their past humanity, and if so, where do they now fall on the moral status hierarchy? Are they still above animals? If a moral decision needed to be made on short notice, this information becomes extremely important.
8. Do the zombies show any signs of memory retention? For example, do they still remember and long for loved ones? This, again, will also help inform any snap decisions one may have to make during the heat of the run.
9. What has brought these undead beings into their re-animated state? Evil sorcery, plague/virus, injection with deadly powders… ?
10. In the unlikely event that I become infected and turn during the race, will my zombie be rounded up into the zombie holding pen for use in the next race, or can I sign an indemnity form asking that race organizers put me down?
“Race the Dead” sold out in less than 14 hours, but you can still watch the carnage from a safe distance on October 26, 2013, at Sentosa. The race starts at Tanjong Beach and finishes at Siloso Beach.
Photo credit to Race the Dead