Ubereal Adventures Inc. would like to thank you for taking our Life™ tour. We would also like to invite you to join the after-Life™ discussion groups to talk about your experiences and what you learned from them. You may find many insightful and interesting perspectives — and may be inspired to try the tour again!

There are many different lives to choose from at Ubereal Adventures Inc. (Committee for Minimum Standards regulations prohibit us from offering discounts to those who have spent more than 30% of their existence living virtually.) Some of you took Life’s a Bitch and Then You Die™ tour. Others, Life is Beautiful™, Life Sucks™, Life is What You Make of It™, or one of our many other offerings.

You have now reached the end of your tour with Ubereal Adventures Inc. This is the end of the line. If you wasted your Life™ that’s your problem. There are no refunds. Please get off so others interested in living can have a chance. While Ubereal Adventures hopes your experience was as genuine as possible, remember you have your own, actual, life to go back to.

The Committee for Minimum Standards has been conducting studies on the relative experiences on the Human Life™ tour. So far, its results have been disappointing, but there are some encouraging signs. While the Life™ experience seems to evoke evolutionarily backward tendencies such as aggression, greed, shortsightedness, and a completely incomprehensible tendency to destroy the ecosystem that actually keeps “life” alive, it is also true that those participating in the Human Life™ game have not actually managed to kill themselves off. Yet. The Committee is optimistic that kindness, reason, and common sense will continue as upward trends.

(What’s the date?)