Loneliness and Letters
Posted January 14th, 2009 by Antonia Malchik
Two days ago I had my first ever experience doing a video Skype chat with a friend who’s on the road and trail trekking for a Lonely Planet guidebook. We got to catch on up some personal news, rather than the quips about writing and travel we usually exchange over email, and it was something awfully cool to see her face and have her wave to my son from Patagonia.
The experience left me feeling a little sad, though. As always happens with technological advances, no matter how welcome, something is lost.
I was unavoidably reminded of when I’d first moved overseas and not only had no access to email, but was too poor to make regular phone calls to family and friends. I lived on letters. Over a slowly sipped coffee at one of Vienna’s lovely old coffeehouses, I’d write about my daily life in this foreign place, my German lessons, my two illegal jobs, the people I met, the grumpy lady who ran the deli counter across the road from our apartment, the movement and conversations of patrons and waiters in the cafe …
I’ve always been a letter writer. No matter how many emails I write now, nothing trumps the pleasure I get from running an actual pen over an actual piece of paper. It used to make my day to write one of my sisters a thin one-page Aerogramme (alas, no longer available). And I love receiving them. After Skyping with my friend, I went and rummaged through a trunk of old possessions, finally pulling out the shoebox packed with letters from many friends, received in several different countries over the years. Seeing the handwriting and ripped-open envelopes was like greeting those friends all over again.
It also reminded me of the loneliness I felt, in a foreign country with a new husband. It was a comforting sort of loneliness, a feeling introverts are familiar with, the chance to get reacquainted with yourself. And, with being able to email and chat with family no matter where I’m traveling, it’s a loneliness I haven’t accessed in a long time. We are all expected to keep in touch.
There’s something that gets lost in the travel experience when you can’t feel a little loneliness. It’s a chance to absorb the place you’re in, and to investigate your own internal landscape, as Pico Iyer calls it. Keeping in constant contact with loved ones prevents us from accessing that space. Letter writing, on the other hand, allows us to muse over our investigations of the world both outside and inside, without hurry and without deletion. We can follow our thoughts where they take us.
Related posts:
January 15th, 2009 at 12:21 am
I totally understand what you mean about the feeling of loneliness. Even when you are still at home and surrounded by friends, it can still be a heavy burden. You are currect about the difference in letters and emails…etc. It has been so long since I have taken up a trusty ball point pen and wrote….well, anything. I just wanted to thank you. I just discovered your articles today. I think that you are doing a great job. It takes courage to circle the globe, exploring new things. And even more courage to tell the rest of the world about them. Thank you again, an old friend from high school.
January 15th, 2009 at 1:35 am
I know exactly the feeling you describe. It’s a welcoming kind of loneliness. Perhaps it’s not really loneliness at all. To me, it’s the feeling of being just enough out of place, to the point where everything can seem new again, and this is exciting because the potential for new learning is so great.
In fact, this out-of-place feeling is one of my favorite things about travelling.
January 15th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Thank you both for your thoughtful comments. What I love most about doing this is finding people out there who share odd and quirky feelings.
Byteful traveller, I wonder if you’re on to something there about this not really being a feeling of loneliness. This is a distinction that introverts seem to get intuitively — this loneliness is a welcome one, a chance to get to know ourselves again, rather than something to be scared of.
As Adam says we can get this feeling whether we’re out of our element or right at home. I just find that it’s easier to investigate our own selves when we’re away from others who hold expectations of us.
Adam — I can think of 3 Adams in 2 different high schools (I moved around a lot as a kid, maybe a precursor to this wanderlust), so you’ll have to give me a clue. Dishwashing at the golf course perhaps?
January 15th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Well, I can see that there is no point in hiding it…The golf course it was. I am glad to see that things have worked out for you. Even though it sounds as if you have had a few hardships along the way. I have done my share of traveling. Everything from the Navy, to driving truck across this country of ours. I still haven’t found what I am looking for. So, at this moment I am searching inward. I have found that this can be the most difficult journey of all. You see, I believe that every now and again a person has to stop what they are doing and come to terms with everything that has happened in there lives. For some this is simple…but for me it is more complicated. I have difficulty letting go of my past decisions. I suppose you could say that it is the “what if” factor. I allways seem to second guess my decisions, after the fact. As they say, admitting it is the first step. Anyway, this has turned out to be quite the comment. I wish you luck and good fortune on all of your journeys through life.
And for all those others out there reading this, please remember that no matter how far you travel, or where you end up in life…find contentment and peace with yourselves. Only then will you be able to fully enjoy everything-and every place-that you experience.
Nia…I just wanted to say that, well…I never got a chance to tell you goodbye. But now, I find that that isn’t the appropriate thing to say. How about this, I wish you all the best. Keep writing, you are very tallented and gifted at it. From what I have read so far, you not only give people a glimpse into different parts of the world. You also give them hope. Thank you. Adam
January 16th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Hey, Adam, it’s great to hear you’re doing well! And that is excellent advice for all people, whether traveling or not. It’s a cliche among some groups that people travel to get away from themselves and the life they know, but often the opposite is true. Hope life is good for you — if you want to write sometime, my email is amalchik@gmail.com , although I don’t always reply quickly. Kids take up lots of time!