Well, when I originally wrote this post in my handy little Moleskine notebook (how I love those things), it was a rant. So thanks to Sheila for giving me a laugh through her “Top 5″ links and making me lighten up a little bit.

I am currently in Lisbon, Portugal, partly working and partly playing, and unfortunately spending a lot of time surrounded with people who, while they’ve traveled a fair bit, have a shocking (to me, since I can’t imagine living any other way) lack of curiosity about the world. Long story short, I’m accompanying my spouse for a week-long conference where he gets to hobnob with accountants (despite my previous post on the wonderful lack of sameness we maintain in an increasingly linked world, I gotta say that corporate accountants are surprisingly alike, whether they’re from Pakistan or Philadelphia), and I get to spend a lot of time with people whose idea of experiencing the local cuisine is to have the concierge make a reservation (at an Italian place down the road, full of tourists) and call a cab.

I promised not to rant. I wish I could pass this advice along to the people who need it, rather than the Perceptive Travelers our readers are, but here are my Top 5 words and phrases you really ought to memorize (and use!) in the language of whatever country you’re in:

Please
Thank you
Excuse me, do you speak — [language]?
Good morning/day/afternoon/evening/night
Where is the bathroom?

And learn to smile at people, wave your arms around for emphasis (not because it works, but because it pleases people — they think you’re trying), laugh at yourself, throw most dietary restrictions out the window (unless medically necessary), go for a walk without consulting a map, and brave the local public transport just once. Expect nothing from others, expect everything from the experience, and give your all.